Aug 1st, 2009
Beat It

If there’s a felon on the run, I wanna know NYPD is going on a manhunt.
Not going on www.manhunt.com.

That NYPD is putting perps on the book, throwing ‘em in the pokey.
Not giving ‘em a poke on FaceBook.

That they are tough on crime.
Not tough on-line.

Golly, what’s this cop up to?

Brooklyn Transit Cop

Gotcha!

He’s all thumbs.

Jul 29th, 2009
Ban the Sleeve

Used to be a person used his own damn sleeve. To wipe a nose, rub schmutz off some kid’s cheek, handle something too hot to.

As for the paper cup, it didn’t need its own sleeve. Still doesn’t. If cups could scoff, they’d scoff at the sleeve.  Heck, they’d snort.
If cups needed sleeves it’d mean they had arms. The arms’ hands. The hands’ fingers. If cups had fingers, you can bet they’d give the sleeve one.

Used to be Cityfolk were tough, looked after themselves.
Cityfolk drank scalding deli urn brew direct from the cup.
Didn’t tiptoe from the café, their pinky raised tea fingers chafing at the heat of a Joe-to-go.

People, what happened?

Is the iphone to blame? The Blackberry? Have the fingertips gone all delicate, evolving inefficiently for practical purposes?

Maybe its one too many skinny lattes? Fingers are malnourished. Size 0s. Vestigial for chrissakes.

Well, whatever it is, get over it.

Ban the sleeve. Leave it on the counter.
Go green.
Allow the cup a little dignity.
Return it to the way nature intended: bare naked beautiful.

As for your thin-skinned fingers?
Use your own damn sleeve.

Kiki bares all.

Seemed when a man shot junk into his arm, thousands of tiny gyroscopes chugged through his veins like Pac Men.

Gangly H users, their eyes dialled so far past white to be as good as shut, stepped into moving traffic.
Not from the green but from well in between.

They surfed a swath of tarmac across Houston, Broadway, or Avenue B. Torsos torqued, and fingers licked the road as a squall of speeding cars pitched them  into death’s screeching jaws.
I’d seen hundreds of heroin-happy Daze and Nightz of the Living Dead marching straight to Hades but I never saw one stumble or fall.
Never witnessed a traffic-trapped pie-eyed pedestrian bludgeoned by the grill.

High as kites, but well below ground, their feet riveted to subway flooring as their bony frames performed the awkward dance of a wooden child’s toy, collapsing and re-straightening on its tiny platform from the press of a button beneath it.

The train heaved and halted to a poor man’s orchestra of metal greased against summer soot.  The soloist bobbed unceasingly.

He gonna bend but he ain’t gonna fall,
a fellow passenger announced.

We didn’t have to wait and watch to find out.
We knew he’d triumph.
We knew about the tiny gyroscopes.

It’s an old story.
Smack gave way to crack, slums became habitable, and slumlords sold to developers.

As the cabbie said, on a late-night ride low and east, “all them shooting galleries closed down”.

I am not saying I miss the addicts, any of them, smack, crack or PCP.
Nuh.
I don’t miss the hooked-on-shit users who broke car windows to swipe grimy Phil Collins cassette tapes.
Who cut cable to abscond with other peoples’ bicycles.
Don’t long for the return of the economic underclass that thrived trading pinched swag for crack vials.
Do not pine an era when personal property was tenuous and insubstantial as purple haze.
Will not champion a decade when one man’s stuff was ready-ripe for swiping, hawking, and reselling in the teeming contraband market on Saint Marks Place.

I don’t dwell on these memories as part of the good of the good old days. They are the bad and the ugly.

I mention it now because yesterday I glimpsed a zombie at 42nd and Sixth. First sighting in decades.

He straddled a bicycle. One hand held a slippery cigarette that moved beyond the reach of his pursuant lips and guided his torso to the horizontal.

For a more sober man, lips and cigarette meet.
Like two lovers in a kiss.

This fellow’s cigarette was followed by a palpable passage of ether, and following this glimpse of nothingness were the pursed lips, and these lips led a sleepy-eyed head, that craned a neck, and tugged a lean torso akimbo over a pair of legs cross-purposed with a bicycle.

Could he inhale that first satisfying drag before his hand stubbed the burning tip to ash against the pavement?  Before the button under Bryant Park released and he snapped back to straight?

That was yesterday.
Today on the 2/3 downtown I spy the following:

Is Heroin a Problem for You? Tired of Getting Sick and Wasting Your Money?

Ah, the users ARE here. They sit among us reading advertisements that offer free and confidential services to the exhausted, nauseated spendthrift.

Perhaps it is the new technology, an internal gyroscope GPS guiding upright profligates to bright crosswalks and through smart neighborhoods where community gardens grow from the compost of torched abandoned buildings.

Or maybe it just looks that way and really everything new is old again.

Jun 30th, 2009
My Precious

Don’t accuse me.
I’ll confess.

My eating habits are unconventional.

I’m whole-food vegetarian since celebrated Angelica Kitchen occupied a hot jammed storefront one block east of Trash and Vaudeville on grimy Saint Marks Place.

As a chopstick clicking, glassy-eyed evangelical  macro-neophyte, I rained a heavy-hand of sesame gomasio onto every mouthful of hijiki-laced Dragon Bowl. My innate palate for nature’s true flavors did not spring forth overnight.

I’ve followed the fundamentalist quest from one camp to the next. Swinging like a  B-Movie Queen on a vine: raw food to cooked, ayurvedic to live, congee to kichari. All the while sprouting, soaking, juicing, judging.

The food-freak believes in manna.
Food as the path to knowledge.
Nirvana via the alimentary canal.
A quest for the one perfect food among the many.

Goji berry!
Jungle peanut?
Wheatgrass juice!
Early morning mid-stream sip of urine?

Gandhi drank his, the enthusiast promptly iterates. Suggesting that daily urine drinking is the foundation for peaceful revolution and democratic self-rule.

Moreover that he and Gandhi are woven of one cloth: DIY home spun, seasonally, and locally grown.

Artwork by Barry Silver

This nutritional nectar lifts the seeker to a pinnacle of knowledge. From these heights, often mistaking his sprouting jar for a papal dispensation, the seeker beatifically glows.

Or rather gloats.
In a superior sense-of-self, with license to judge all ordinary food eaters (um, err everyone, that is).

At that stratosphere, the whole nourish-thyself jag becomes just a little too precious.

Precious.

Yes, that’s how I felt about dining at Pure Food and Wine .

The garden is gorgeous. As is the staff.

If you arrive for dinner, having dashed the city from early morning, toiled a job (which you’ll be grateful you have when the bill arrives), your hunger may not be sated by these small-plate portions. Unless you arrive a self-satisfied raw-foodist.

In that case, enjoy! A sliver of papery turnip ruffled over a blobble of nut puree may actually look and taste like ravioli.

Methinks raw food living best enjoyed naked under a Hawaiian coconut palm, sucking sticky mango flesh off someone else’s fingers while reclining just outside the front flap of your yurt.

A name is after all, only that.

Dining in Pure’s garden with Popeye-gunned, first-husband The Impact Addict, how pure could a girl feel?

Purity is a state of mind.

Or not.

Jun 28th, 2009
Get Sunny

Don’t let a gray day color you gray.

Or blue.
Paint your nails sun-shiny.
I just did.

It’s a cheap trick.
But it makes me happy.

They say it’s the little things.

In 1970, Mom got me my first-ever yellow nail polish. As for the green she gave my older sister, I made off with that too.

The yellow was Colmans Mustard and was a perfect match to cover dings in a bachelor-driven custom-painted MG.

The green was guacamole. Pretty enough to eat. Or at least gnaw off your nails. Which, though temptation ran high, I never would.

I like Orly’s Hook Up Yellow. It’s enhanced with its own pearly swirl.  Ricky’s, every last one of ‘em, offers a great range of prescription-free mood boosters.

A bold cocktail ring is a great add-on. I got this sunburst of Murano Glass beads in Venice.

If you still feel blue, tag along with a pal to the beach and get your toes in the sand.

And then take off your dress.
Tempt the sun out from behind the clouds.